Conversations with the Ob/Gyn

Conversations with the Ob/Gyn

I have lost weight! It is only a pound, and could just be water weight but I don’t think so. I have been careful to eat less and move more this week, and so I think I am well on my way to starting new routines, new habits, and a better way of life.

But on a sadder note, I had a bad conversation with my ob/gyn. It was a followup call post-partem to see how I was doing. Some of the call was good, granted. She cared for my well being. But as soon as I said I wanted more babies, she was adamant that I shouldn’t. It was a very severe episode, think of your daughter if you have another episode, think of your caregivers. To be clear, I do think about these things, but that’s not the point. The point is it’s not like avoiding pregnancy is a cure to my episodes – my daughter and my caregivers will sadly have to put up with episodes ever 2-3 years, irregardless of pregnancy. They last 4-6 weeks and I am mostly at the hospital anyway. But the upside to pregnancy and episodes? Bringing new life into this world. Yes, they have a higher risk of having my extremes. The important thing to remember is, even with my diagnosis or my extreme moods, I am still glad to be alive. 

And there is some good that comes from my sort of mental/emotional condition – I have gifts. I am not sure how it all works, but my condition allows me access to a knowledge that helps me see things before they happen. And I have the ability to heal and help others. Like what they teach in shamanism, some people are called to be healers and lead their tribe. They do need extra care, but they are expected to lead a normal life like everyone else. But if you don’t answer the calling or the gift, it can kill you. And that’s why I think I must be hospitalized during my episodes – to be able to heal and help others.

I am still on the fence of having more kids, but I am going to try to not let my doctor feel like there’s nothing good about having more kids. Let me be the judge of that.