Nothing Is As Easy As It Seems…

Nothing Is As Easy As It Seems…

Looking back at how I felt in September (feeling irritable, depressed, tired, etc), going to work has basically only made me have more responsibility. I have to be on call and prepared to leave at a moment’s notice at any given moment. And when I do have the call, I need to prepare Elizabeth’s lunch and snack and tell my mother-in-law what Elizabeth needs.  Then once I go to work, it’s usually a shit show of pieces of routes combined with parcels of a part of another route, and you have to deliver it by 8pm in the dark, in the winter, in the snow. As I am walking, my pants are falling, my feet are wet and although its cold, I am damp from sweat. But ironically, the more pain I feel and the more tired I am, the better I feel. It’s almost like I am a glutton for punishment, or that I like pushing my body to the limits. No rest for the wicked, I guess.

But tensions are rising at home. My husband is stressed from his responsibilities at home and at work, my mother-in-law disagree on the amount of television a baby should watch, and sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I didn’t work but stay home and focused on Elizabeth. But because of our debt from the move that we haven’t caught up with, I think I need to work for now. So even though there are tensions, we still have to stick to the plan.

Overall, though, I prefer this then working in the office. I hated staring at the screen all day and it made my migraines worse. It was all about office politics, but now, it’s just me and the road. I have no one else to compete with except myself, which is liberating.